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Author
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Topic: what do you think of this?
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ladybug
Member
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posted 09-03-103 04:49 PM
  
I'm all fired up right now, but I'm not certain if I'm justified in my anger. What do you think?First, as I've written in previous posts, I am engaged and I am pregnant. I was living with my fiance, but have moved back in with my parents for a little while because we were living in a house with a bunch of other people and it was really smokey and not such a great environment for a pregnant girl. Also, my fiance and I share my car. Since the temp job he was just doing was closer to where we were living than to my parent's house... he took my car and continued living where we were. Take note of the fact that we have NO extra money. We can usually pay our bills... but we have to make a lot of changes in order to afford and support and provide this baby with a good home. So
Today was the first day he didn't have to work in the week. I asked him yesterday to see him today if he didn't have to work (because we aren't able to see each other that often anymore.) When he called me, he told me that he went into the city (nyc) to buy pot with one of our roommates today. I am so mad. Here's why: All the money we have should be going to the baby. I am not out buying anything. I don't even care if he smokes pot... but I do care that he's spending money on it. Granted, I don't think he spent a lot... but this is the second time he bought it this week. He told me that he had to buy more because two of our roommates smoked all his earlier. If that's true, than I think he should have them buy him more. NOrmally, I'd feel differently, but I don't right now because of our situation. Then, I'm mad that he'd risk going out and buying it and driving a distance with it (probably in my car.) I know that he didn't buy a lot... but our other roommate always does... enough to be "intent to sell," I'm certain. and lastly, I am very upset that he'd prefer going out and buying drugs to my company. It really hurts my feelings. Especially, being that we haven't been able to see that much of each other... we're getting married one month from tomorrow and I need support because I'm pregnant (and as many changes as he's going through... times that by 100 and that's how I feel.) Am I being rational...? |
greenpeace
Member
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posted 09-03-103 05:50 PM
ANNA,YOU HAVE EVERYWHERE RIGHT TO BE UPSET!!!
The man you made a child with and the man you are going to married, should NOT be spending his money on pot, never the less, using your car, and using his FREE tyme. (which he should be spending with you) I think you need to have a serious talk with him. If he's going to be a good father and a good husband, he should grow up, and know what his priorities are. He cant be buyin an 1/8 and his buddies if he has to pay for diapers. Anna, i would defiently sit him down and talk to him. Its not fair to you, to the baby. Hope this helps some, Peace and love Dana |
orchid
unregistered
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posted 09-04-103 07:38 AM
Hey ladybug,You're feeling angry about that stuff for a reason. Talk with him and help him to see where you're coming from. He may just have a bit of confusion about priorities right now... Hmm... I'm sure he feels all those huge changes coming in his direction and maybe he's not sure of how to deal with them.It sounds like he's trying to escape some of that by not spending as much time with you, smoking more pot than usual, etc.
I got married a few months ago. We're not pregnant so it's a lot different, but before the wedding my best friend-boyfriend-lover-partner-and much more- became VERY distant. We talked about it and it turns out that the reason was fear... plain and simple... sounds like both of you have a lot of fear (of different things) going on. I hope that you both can work it out. |
wildflower
Member
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posted 09-04-103 09:59 PM
You have every right to be upset. I know I would be, but I agree with Orchid that he's probably afraid and trying to escape. My boyfriend smokes more than usual when he's afraid of dealing with one thing or another, but that's no excuse in your situation. I hope things work out. |
Pritam
Member
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posted 09-05-103 11:05 AM
NAMASTE SISTAH I hope you feel alittle better.
What you are going threw is not easy when you
do not have your partner to lean on.it can be alittle scary .I know sometimes us men still need to grow up and learn to embrace more in life.He should be saving up for your child so yes i can see why you are angry.Having a child has made you more consious of the future for your child and soon i am sure he will do the same.I am sure it is harder with you both being not together.this takes on strain in its self.Things will change as more time goes on.
Try to talk more to him how you feel.You are in my thoughts and prayers as with others here. ------------------
"The Divine in me blesses
& honors the Divine in you!" Love & Light
Pritam
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theking456
unregistered
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posted 09-10-103 05:44 PM
he had a right to buy that weed. he probably just needed se he could deal with all of your fucking bitching |
ladybug
Member
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posted 09-10-103 07:22 PM
I only accept the opinions of those who are intelligent enough to write grammatically correct sentences. “Awww,” I think a little somebody needs to go back to first grade and learn how to capitalize and use correct punctuation! You know, I always feel so sad when I see this type of stupidity. It makes me wonder what happened to our education system. I mean really, "theking456," what happened to you? Did you just slip through the cracks? |
tearoffire
unregistered
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posted 09-11-103 11:37 AM
King you're an asshole. Its not easy being pregnant es. when the one you love and the father of your child isn't around much to support you. You just have no idea. You need to dig a hole and die in it b/c if you don't understand thats its hard to be in that kind of situation you have no right starting a family. |
Lady Raven
Member
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posted 09-12-103 09:01 AM
For the other Lady,I understand whats its like to be at home wondering when your significant other is going to get it together. My ex was a huge pot head, although I was too at the time, and the only times we were together, were spend smokin' the bud. But, thats all we ever did. We ended up living at his mom's for two years never getting jobs and sleeping all day, playing video games and going out all night to 24 hour Diners. Yes, it was fun times, but we ended up breaking up because of it. Because we were too damn lazy to get off our asses and get an apartment or find a job, or anything else. Our dreams never came true. We had so many plans. Don't let pot ruin your life. |
motley
Member
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posted 09-12-103 07:23 PM
ladybug...one question you have to ask yourself or i guess maybe a few is one do you trust this man? hopefully you do if your going to marry him. what is your stance on pot being in the house? in the car? what do you think now about him using your car to go to the city to buy it? what will you think of him smoking/buying/travelling with it in the car when you have an infant at home? look futher into the future...when you have a one year old...two year old...five year old. if you are uncomfortable with it now you will be uncomfortable with it in the future. Communication and respect are the keys to a relationship, as well as trust. now that you two are becoming parents you will be responsible for another delicate life. responsible is the key word here. Talk it out with your man and make him understand how you feel. put limits on what he can and can't do. such as...well you can smoke it you can buy it but use someone else's car. limit the money he can spend on it. like ok you can spend fifty bucks make it last. i dunno, just a couple of suggestions. i hope things work out and that the two of you work out. its not easy starting a family, there is so much learning to do. |
ladybug
Member
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posted 09-13-103 09:20 AM
Hello!Thanks for all the great advice and words of support. I actually feel a little embarrassed for posting such a nasty thing about Jay. I was really mad at the time. As it is, though he's a very intelligent person, he just doesn't think about consequences or risks very often. For some reason, he has weak common sense and little relationship savy. When I spoke to him about this, he was extremely apologetic. In truth, he just had no idea that his actions were going to be so upsetting to me. Now that he does know, he wont do it again. I believe him. Here's how I feel about pot. I don't think that there is anything wrong with it myself. Until now, I haven't cared if my fiance was irresponsible, drove around with it, smoked all day and all night long. Now I feel a little bit differently. Although I don't have a problem with pot, I am not going to use my time as a mother to make some sort of political statement. If someone else wants to do that... fine. If I get caught with herb in my car... and a baby... in the state I live in... they can take the baby away from me. I feel the same way about pot as I do about cigarettes. If people want to smoke, that's okay with me. But, not around a baby or a little kid. It's not fair to them. Second hand smoke lowers their immune system, making them susceptible to all sorts of illness... plus, it lowers their lung capacity. Thanks for the budget suggestion Motley. I'm going to think about that one. Maybe I'll talk to my fiance about it and see what he thinks is do-able and fair. | |
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