Loss

[tooter_mcgee]

My grandmother went into the hospital on Friday night. She was diagnosed with pneumonia and they started medication. Sunday they drained a liter and a half of fluid from her lungs and did a CT scan. The oncologist came to see her as he thought there was a possibility of cancer. We got the test results back yesterday afternoon and by then she was on a ventilator. The test results confirmed that not only did she have cancer, but her kidneys were failing. The cancer was a particularly malicious form that sprung up in her lungs probably not more than 3-4 months ago, and it had spread to her kidneys and liver. We had to make the decision yesterday to stop support. I was in the room with her next to her bed when they pulled the tube and stopped all medication. She didn't last much longer than 5 minutes afterward and she was gone. It was the hardest thing I had to see in my entire life. My grandmother is the only real grandparent I ever really had and I watched her die without being able to do anything to help her. All I can think about now is how small she looked when she passed, how much I regret every bad thing I ever said to her, and most of all, how much I miss her. This is the first time I've ever lost anyone close to me and I don't know how to handle it. I have to go to the funeral tomorrow. She was 76.

~~Diana

[FreedomEagle]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's always hard to lose a relative.

[toman]

I understand. I was lucky enough to grow up with four grandparents, and three are gone now, two from cancer. My remaining grandfather is just now recovering from cancer and faces at least one more operation and I'm most likely going to eventually lose two aunts and my mother to cancer. Don't smoke cigarettes, kids...

[morningsunshine]

I'm so sorry, tooter, I know how hard it is to lose a loved one... my godmother died from ecstasy and it took a long time for our family to recover. Stay strong!



I understand. I was lucky enough to grow up with four grandparents, and three are gone now, two from cancer. My remaining grandfather is just now recovering from cancer and faces at least one more operation and I'm most likely going to eventually lose two aunts and my mother to cancer. Don't smoke cigarettes, kids...
I know, it's terrible, I keep trying to get my boyfriend to quit but when I tell him about all the crap that can happen to him, he's like, oh, that won't happen to me...
It really makes me mad, because it happens to EVERYONE ELSE....

[delta9]

How did ecstasy kill your grandmother? Which adulterant in street ecstasy caused your grandmother to die or was she taking an MAOI?

[treehugger]

Oh, tooter, I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. It feels devastating, I know firsthand.

Here's hoping you can find peace with it.

Kath

[morningsunshine]

How did ecstasy kill your grandmother? Which adulterant in street ecstasy caused your grandmother to die or was she taking an MAOI?
Well we don't really know, I don't know much about ecstasy b/c it happened when I was like 12 so I've stayed away from it once I got into my experimenting years... but she took it, started projectile vomiting and foaming at the mouth, then started having seizures and stopped breathing, then once they got her to the hospital she was braindead so her mom took her off of life support :(

[tooter_mcgee]

I think you said godmother, not grandmother just so you're both on the same page.

And can we please not debate on this thread? I'm sorry to spoil anything for anyone, but I can barely handle what's happening in the first place. Sorry if I sound out of line, i'm just exhausted and depressed.

~~Diana

[PEACE FROG]

Sorry for your loss sweetie.

[Unkle_John]

I'm so sorry to hear that Diana, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I will light a candle for her.

I know exactly what you are going through. My Great Grandfather was almost just like that, a vicious spreading cancer. I'll spare the details, but the one thing I can say is this: Always remember your times with her, they will out weigh what you have witnessed. Over time her final days will be a fleeting memory and the old memories will be more dominate. One other positive thing is that you where by her side in her final hours of mortal life. I never got that experience with my grandparents. Their passing was a sudden moment and I never got to tell them how much I loved them, they knew I did, but it's something you only get to do once.

Things will get better sweetheart, and you have friends here who you can talk to if you need.

[ladywithafan]

Diana~

I am sorry about your grandma :( My grandpa died the same way a few years ago. I was really close to him-- closer than my real father. It was really hard for me to cope with it. So I understand how you feel.

[julesandjo]

Diana, I am so sorry for your loss. We lost two loved ones within a week, this month, to cancer. It is an ugly, vicious thing. Your pain is deep and new and it will ease up with time, but you will never forget the things you are feeling. I am sorry. Chin up......We all love you here, and are here to support you.

[mamasharones]

I'm sorry tooter. I know exactly what your going through. i lost my grandma in a similarly fast way. and recently I've also felt the loss of our baby. My deepest of sympathy to you and yours. but know that things happen for a reason and although that reason may not be appartent, it was her time and at least she didn't have to suffer any longer. And things like this always make us that much stronger.

[delta9]

I think you said godmother, not grandmother just so you're both on the same page.
Indeed, your sorrow was on my mind. Hope you feel better, toots.

Ms. MS: http://www.happyhippie.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1719 so tooter doesn't have to watch it here

[morningsunshine]

I think you said godmother, not grandmother just so you're both on the same page.

And can we please not debate on this thread? I'm sorry to spoil anything for anyone, but I can barely handle what's happening in the first place. Sorry if I sound out of line, i'm just exhausted and depressed.

~~Diana
:(! I'm sorry, I never meant it to turn it into a debate, I just wanted you to know I know what you're going through!! I know it's SO hard, but remember, even though it sucks, death happens to everyone and her finally being in a peaceful place (I don't know what your beliefs are) is a better fate than being hooked up to life support for months, or years, in the hospital. I know it's not much of a comfort, but at least she's resting peacefully. I know I would rather have my memories of my beautiful, active godmother, than have to see her on life support in the hospital, or as a vegetable for the rest of her life.

[tooter_mcgee]

The memorial service was yesterday which was a completely miserable day. My mother gave me the big picture of her that was placed in the center f the flower arrangment at the memorial. It's now one of the only pictures I have of her. The burial is Tuesday. I feel so lost and completely drained. Thanks for your support everyone.

~~Diana

[Herbmama]

:group_hug
I'm sorry Diana.

[theREALsun]

im sorry, sweet Diana.

[room85]

I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you feel better by now. All my grandparents died before I was born,well three of them.I barely knew the only one I had,actually she died a few months ago from cancer too (was it cancer?). Anyway, I better stop smoking.

[unclejoe]

Diana,

her body may be gone but her spirit lives on in you and your family
and all the people who knew and loved her in this life.

remember the little things, some sad, some goofy.
what she taught you and your siblings.
the love she shared with you and others.

she is still with us.

her and my dad are probably comparing notes about their kids and grandkids.

unclejoe

...to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven...