The Santa Claws

[Shydog]

Watch out for the "Santa Claws" they are really sharp and can cut you!
You better be good I'm telling you why...
Christmass can be spooky, can't it?

I'm getting out of here before the rocks start flying.

[Adam Blanchard]

humm.. A Nightmare Before Christmas comes to mind...

[Crochety Carpenter]

Please don't take this as theology or history I just had a weired moment.:D

‘Twas the night before Christmas some time in September,
The Catholics have scrambled it so we can’t remember,
The shepherds in the winter don’t stay in the fields
So solstice won’t fit thus confusion it yields.
The wise men also who came from afar,
Set out at his birth to follow the star.
It’s said the Euphrates was the start of their quest
In the days that they traveled three years is the best,
Of the time it would take them to get to the king
With all of the gifts they had set out to bring.
Finding a three year old living with clan
In a borrowed stable seems quite a strange plan.
Nope Jesus was born in September for sure
And the wise men found him in a house, no manure.
So Santa can have all the solstice he wants
And snow on the roof tops to muffle his clomps.

:ufo: Early merry Christmass to all and good night! :ufo:

[Shydog]

What about king Herad? Killing all those born along with the magical star. He wanted to stop the whole thing...
So they rambled through the weeds and slept beneath the trees. That is where the whole stable thing comes in.
Gotta be sneaky sometimes.

[Adam Blanchard]

What about king Herad? Killing all those born along with the magical star. He wanted to stop the whole thing...
So they rambled through the weeds and slept beneath the trees. That is where the whole stable thing comes in.
Gotta be sneaky sometimes.

freakin ninja style and shiznotz!! :bat:

[forrest]

The Joint Before Christmas


'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
The family was stoned, and so was the mouse.
I was at home and mom was in jail,
I had just settled down to a nice piece of tail.

When out of the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my woman to see what was the matter.
I ran to the window and jumped down to the grass,
Tripped over a pot plant and busted my ass.

Then what to my bloodshot eyes did appear,
A rusty old sleigh and eight horny deer.
The little old driver pulled out his dick,
I knew right away it was old St. Prick.

I heard his cuss as he hit the wall,
Faster you bastards or I'll cut off your balls.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew right away the asshole had fell.

He filled the stockings with some joints and a beer,
And big rubber dick for the family queer.
I heard him shout as he flew out of sight,
Fuck you all.......it's been one hell of a night!
http://www.purplelion.com/christmas/parodies/joint.shtml
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A Stoners Christmas

Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone was drunk, including the mouse,
the booze is all gone,
the weed is all smoked,
we gave timmy a hit,
and he almost choked,
the dogs have stopped barking,
everyones asleep,
some guy is outside ****ing the sheep,
when out on the lawn arose such a clatter,
I fell on my face trying to see what was the matter,
out on the lawn, to my suprise,
here in my roses, old Santa Clause lies,
he was pushed from his sleigh,
cuz, the elves are on strike,
and now all the reindeer are nowhere in sight,
so I ran outside to the jolly fat man,
he was higher than an african,
he said ho ho ho, heres the christman cheer,
and from his sack he pulled a flat of beer,
a pound of cron, was next to appear,
so we broke out the bong and smoked to next year.
this story it may sound weird to your ear,
so go get high and it will become clear,
santa's a stoner you have to agree.
http://www.marijuana.com/creative-writing/44187-stoners-christmas.html