Childfree by choice?

[treehugger]

Anybody here who just doesn't want children?

It seems, especially as a woman, people totally don't get why I don't want kids...I'm just not that nurturing...that combined with other factors has made me realize...most likely I will NEVER be in a place where I want to bear a child...

So I'm looking into getting a tubal. Have any other childfree women here done this?

I'm thinking that, should I EVER change my mind..and at 37 I'm beginning to think i WON'T...I'd prefer to adopt a child that's already here and doesn't have hope of a good life otherwise...

Thoughts?

Kath

[BandAide]

It's so weird that today, in a world plagued by overpopulation, there is still a pressure for women to have children.

Jay and I always said that we'd adopt our second if we were going to ever have a second (oops). We'd always talked about adopting a little girl from China.

To be honest with you Kath. Pregnancy sucks (A LOT!) For me, childbirth was terrible. My labor lasted 48 hours and ended with a c-section. Plus, I was hellbent on doing it with no pain meds, so the first 45 hours were pain med free. It's not as bad as it sounds. It only began really hurting around hour 24. That's when they broke my water. Then, it all ended with a horrible c-section, which for some reason no one ever wants to regard as a major surgery... BUT IT IS!

Then, for about two months I struggled with hormonal drops that had me crying hysterically for hours every day and contemplating running away to Mexico.

I love my daughter. She's worth a whole lot more to me than all this. I'm doing it all again (and it's not as if I found out I was pregnant and had no choices.)

But when people look at me the way mothers size up others mothers and say, "But can you ever imagine your life without her?"

I say, "Yes, I would look much better in a swim suit, be very well rested and my house would be clean on a regular basis."

Children are just great!

[LIBRA]

when I was younger I said I didnt want kids not because I didnt like them I love them but because I felt the world was getting weird and didnt want to bring a child into all this BUT I got pregnant while on birthcontrol and so it was ment to be, everything happens for a reason whether you do or dont want kids what is supposed to happen will, what if in a few years you meet this incredible man and he wants to have kids with you and you for once feel the same way, Id say dont take away what someone gives you if you dont want kids use protection but tying tubes is like taking a miracle away. unless its a medical reason that you have to?? my son is my miracle I thought pregnancy was rough but the most amazing feeling in the world and I did it alone and loved every minute of it, and I too had a c section which sucked and I was totally pissed about because I wanted to give birth naturally too but it didnt work that way. well i guess if that dream guy comes along you could adopt but if you dont feel that mother inside you maybe you never will its hard to tell, good luck with "your desicion" it cant be an easy one.

[BandAide]

Libra, I admire you so... I really do.

I can not imagine doing this alone. You are a stronger woman than I am and again, I admire you so...

I'm a pregnant maniac who's like, "tie em up. No one ever needs to go through this!" :p I forget that it's a miracle because my back hurts so badly and if I go four hours without eating I want to puke!

But, you're right... it IS a miracle. Let find a mirror and repeat that seven times.

[LIBRA]

well thanks that is very sweet!! and I know how hard it can be to say its a miracle when your sick, tired and all that but it is absolutley amazing and its to bad everyone cant experience it!! well there'd really be over population if they could!!! its the best thing thats ever happened to me and I still think that when I see my three year old with his hand in the toilet pretending he's fishing or jumping off his bed pretending he's a super hero which all of scares the hell out of me!! but thanks!!!!!

[theREALsun]

well, i am not a mommy...... yet
but i do hope that someday i do
i think i would be a good mommy :o
(that may be the one thing i am good at)
but i completely respect the decision not to have children
especially taking responsible precautions
you should just make sure that it really is what you want......

good luck with the decision ;)

[*RaiN*]

hmm idk what i think of having children just from my experiance, my younger sister and I are are year apart *shes 16* and she just had a baby about a month ago. . . I'm worried about her because well, she was liek the genious of our family, like on the honor roll, wanted to go to rice etc etc, but yeah she hassint been in school since december. Ah, so my view of child birth is tainted butttt I do love children. I agree with BandAide, if anything I would adopt one, but then again I'm only 17 sooo I have awhile I guess.
Sorry I dont know anything about gettign a tubal

[Strawberry]

I hated children. I swore up and down that I would NEVER have one... EVER. Then oops. And trust me, Anna knows, I had a rough time. The father was still married to someone else. I hated being pregnant. I cried all the time thinking about giving up my old life... I wanted to drink, I wanted to smoke. I didn't want to be a mother. And then she was born and I held her for the first time. NOTHING will ever compare to that. She is the best accident I could ever have. She's everything good about me. She just.. amazing.. and seeing her grow and learn and change over the past ten months has been just as wonderful. So yes.. two years ago... I hated kids. Now.. I wanna have tons.. tons and tons... and I love being a young mother. I was only 20 when I had her. The energy is very much needed. :) All I know is, I would never have felt this way unless I had her, so I understand not wanting kids. It's not something everyone can want until some higher power just makes the desicion for you. That's the way I feel..

[delta9]

If you really do it, treehugger, remember, there is no going back on it... Who KNOWS - one day it may become important to you to have YOUR chromosomes passed on; I would say if you're going to get your tubes tied, get some of your eggs extracted and frozen first. Adoption is a good thing, too. Orphanages are horrible places, generally, and there's so many children that need love and support in this world.

Peace :hippie:

[calico_skies]

I completely understand what Libra is saying, but I suspect that you Treehugger are in a different place. My sister too has no desire to bear a child. Its not like she doesn't like children or would be a bad mother, (I personally believe she would be an incredible mom), she just doesn't want to be a mom. One of her reasons is that she believes that her body was just not made to carry a child (like you she is very petite). I'm not sure that she has exactly contemplated getting a tubal though.

Unlike BandAide and Libra I had a great pregnancy. Which for of you ladies it sucks that you couldn't have at least enjoyed being pregnant if you were going to have hard labors or vice versa. I feel blessed that I had a smooth labor too (I would say it's never easy).

Anyway I forgot that I had a point to this. My husband and I asked my sister to be in the delivery room with us. To act as kind of a doula. My sister is an incredible woman and probably the only person in this world who understands me completely (my husband is a close second). So after my son is born she says that is the most wonderful, intense and exciting experience she has ever been apart of. She still stands by her decision to not have children. She too would rather adopt. She just loves being an aunt and because of this people think that now her biological should be ticking.

[BandAide]

I hated children. I swore up and down that I would NEVER have one... EVER. Then oops. And trust me, Anna knows, I had a rough time. The father was still married to someone else. I hated being pregnant. I cried all the time thinking about giving up my old life... I wanted to drink, I wanted to smoke. I didn't want to be a mother. And then she was born and I held her for the first time. NOTHING will ever compare to that. She is the best accident I could ever have. She's everything good about me. She just.. amazing.. and seeing her grow and learn and change over the past ten months has been just as wonderful. So yes.. two years ago... I hated kids. Now.. I wanna have tons.. tons and tons... and I love being a young mother. I was only 20 when I had her. The energy is very much needed. :) All I know is, I would never have felt this way unless I had her, so I understand not wanting kids. It's not something everyone can want until some higher power just makes the desicion for you. That's the way I feel..

Yep! This is exactly how I feel!

I mean... EXACTLY!

I have all the things in life that I want to do, but I l-i-v-e f-o-r my daughter.

And Treehugger, that might just not be for you.


Hey, Calico, I've always thought it was unfair that I hated pregnancy so much.

Did you know that I broke my ankle at 8 months pregnant and spent the last month in a cast up to my knee? During that time, I also got toxemia.

I just couldn't win.

Wish me more luck this time around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LIBRA]

GOOD LUCK BANDAIDE!!!! I will send you good energy to have a happy and healthy pregnancy!! starting now :smilie_wa

[Pedata]

I'm childfree by choice. I've received much flack over it through the years but I think most of it came from people who wished they'd chosen as I did. By that I mean I think they're not happy. BandAide, you said it right, that "pressure".

I was not meant to raise children. I was meant to raise chickens.

I've always used the rhythm method for birth control. It's free :) but it does take some selfcontrol :(

Peace,
Cassandra

[treehugger]

Thanks for all the insight everybody!!

Delta, great idea about freezing the eggs...I will DEFINITELY look into that. Not that my DNA is all THAT special, LOL...

I guess another thing that's prompting this in me is...well mostly my age, but secondarily (or more minor)...is all the anti-choice stuff going on. I feel (maybe I'm a pessimist) but I'm sure if it happens in three or four years that I have birth control fail...it's not going to be easy to abort should I want/need to.

I also worry about rape. If I have my tubes tied an unwanted pregnancy due to rape is another worry off my head.

I just can't physically see carrying a pregnancy through. My job is far too strenuous....climbing on ductwork wouldn't be very do-able pregnant! But without my job I wouldn't be able to afford it.....

I really, really like Delta's idea about preserving eggs in the case of should I change my mind.....or even more morbidly, if I should die or something...my dna could be passed on should there be somebody who wanted it to be so.

I also have a couple medical issues....I have herpes for one thing so even if I DID carry a pregnancy through it pretty much automatically guarantees a caesarean...babies are pretty vulnerable to the virus.

I did some checking and my insurance would cover a tubal. So now I just have to agonize over it for a bit....

I SO appreciate everybody's insight!

Kath

[BandAide]

The egg idea is EXCELLENT!

Do you think that working in a male dominated carreer puts pressure on you to not have children. By this I mean, do you feel that your co-workers would think less of you if you had to take on some other job that is less physical while pregnant and take a maternity leave?

[treehugger]

Tough question....

I don't really think it puts pressure on me to not have children....in terms of my co-workers attitudes, that is. I think they'd actually be impressed if I DID have a child...many of them have said I'm one of the very few women they truly understand...and I think they'd think it'd ROCK...

But...the work aspect of it and the danger i put myself in on a daily basis, seems to preclude it, a bit.

Sure, they would give me lighter duty work for the duration of a pregnancy. But I'd be bored doing that forever.

And then when I went back to the regular work...having a child would make me second-guess some of the more dangerous stuff I do....

I earn good money by putting myself in jeopardy, LOL.

I probably wouldn't do it if I had a child.

I love what I do, though. I am skilled at what I do and I've worked a long time to learn it.

And, yes, I don't think the men, themselves are giving me the pressure....it's the job itself.

Kath

[delta9]

The egg idea is EXCELLENT!
Don't you mean EGGSELENT!!! Heehee, I couldn't resist :rolleyes:

Yes, certainly dangerous jobs are harder to work with children. The military looks for unmarried people with no children and as little family as possible for very dangerous missions because a married person with children is more likely to hesitate at the wrong time thinking about their spouse and children.

[ladywithafan]

I understand how you feel treehugger about having the pressures of having a kid. My mother bugs me about when I am going to give her a grandkid. All of my friends from high school all have children, and they always ask me when I am going to have one too. I tell them when I am done living my life I will contemplate on having one.

It's not that I don't think I can handle having a child. I helped raise 4 of my siblings, and they turned out ok. I am also a teacher at a daycare, and trust me, it takes a special person to cajole a child into doing what they are supposed to do (and not being able to give them a little tap on their butt--something I would NEVER do!). I just like being an independant person. And I am lucky to find a guy to agree with my choices in life. Alex said that if we didn't have a child then that is what fate decided for us. He and I are unsure if we want to contribute to the problem of overpopulation, so we would like to adopt if I decide I don't want to get pregnant. And if that doesn't pan out then we decided to become environmental activists or go out in the world and help others out with my nursing abilities and his agriculture savvy.

I don't know, the feeling of having a 9 lb. baby inside me pushing on my organs and making my belly poof out doesn't sound like a lot of fun. The stretch marks and hormonal mess also adds to the feeling I have of not wanting a child. And in biology class, we had to measure women's skeleton hip bones to determine if a baby could make it through, and it freaked me out! So, it is ok treehugger not to want children, there are other women out there making the same decisions as you. I guess it is to each his own. Now I am going to go and drink a beer after my hard day at work.... Cheers! :cheers:

[Herbmama]

I totally support the choice to remain child-free. Hell I wish more people would choose not to have children! Having children because you’re expected to other people want to too is just a bad idea for everyone involved.

I think most people have children "just because", without ever even THINKING about it. Bringing a person into the world is a heavy responsibility, and should be done intentionally (even when it's accidental ;) )
I have up most respect for people who chose not to have children, it shows that their at least thinking!

Now all that said, the real reason I wanted to add something to this thread is because all the posts I've seen here have detailed the horrors of pregnancy and birth. While some women do have horrible, traumatic pregnancies and births it isn't always that way.

Being pregnant was one of the best experiences of my life! I loved almost every minute of it (the first week or two were a little stressful, coming to terms with an unplanned life change of that caliber is sure to send you around the bend a little ya know)

But all in all I was without a doubt blessed with an easy and complication free pregnancy and birth. I had morning sickness twice, and a sciatic flare up in my 8th month, and went 3 weeks pasted my due date.
I was deliriously happy from the hormone rushes! And at 43 weeks gave birth to a healthy 8 pound 13 ounce child after 5 hours of natural labor in what I can only call a BLISSFUL homebirth!

I'm not writing this brag, I mean it's not like I really did anything special. I looked after myself and my baby, I took the vitamins and herbs we needed, no doubt just like all the other mama's here did. Frankly it has more to do with genetics and luck, but I felt I ought to show the other side of what pregnancy and birth can be.

[BandAide]

God, the other side looks so nice from the ghetto where I live! :D
I begrudge you none of it. Honestly, the gift of my daughter is more than worth all of the pain in the world.

I remember about a month after I had her I emailed you to see if you had any advice for natural ways to soothe the post pardum blues... but I never heard back. I guess you didn't have similar experiences to mine! ;)

[LIBRA]

my pregnancy went great I had no problems at all, alittle sick and sleepy at first but after that it was wonderfull I loved it. and I had to have a c section because my little man was upside down and the whole time they thought his head was his bum so I was disappointed I couldnt have him naturally but all and all I loved being preganant. when I said it was rough I ment it was rough cause I was alone and didnt have any support but it made me stronger in the long run and made me happier about being pregnant too!! I just dont want non mama's to get scared cause there not all bad, ya never know its a mystery or maybe genetics!!! ;)

[mountain_mama]

I am a firm beliver that just because you can have children does not mean you should..

I got pregnant with my daughter when I was sixteen and every minute was so hard. I was not ready for all of the major responsibilities of parenthood but some how I gutted it out and we learned how to grow together. I have a very tight relationship with my daughter because of all that we have gone through together but it is because of those tough times that I waited another ten years to have my son.

My pregnancy was easy with my son but the childbirth was rough. His heart kept stopping from stress...BUT it was so worth it when he sprang out of me in the end. I love my children so much, they mean more than the world to me and I would not change having them for anything but in this crazy overpopulated world I don't think its neccesary to have any more. My husband has an adopted sister and his mom is adopted option so he is all for adopting in the future if we want to.

I think no matter what the decsion you make it will be the right one for you, treehugger. Stick with what your gut is telling you to do. Adoption can be an awesome aption for you if you should ever change your mind. There is more to parenting than passing on chromosones and so many children need a home. ;)

[Herbmama]

God, the other side looks so nice from the ghetto where I live! :D
I begrudge you none of it. Honestly, the gift of my daughter is more than worth all of the pain in the world.

I remember about a month after I had her I emailed you to see if you had any advice for natural ways to soothe the post pardum blues... but I never heard back. I guess you didn't have similar experiences to mine! ;)

:confused:
I never saw that email.

I'm so sorry! I wish I could have been there for you. :(

I did have some ppd issues, well I'm not sure if they were ppd issues or just issues. My...geez I don't even know what to call the guy..ex? sperminator? babydaddy? genetic contributer?... anyway THAT GUY left us when my son was 2 weeks old so the lines between depression and post pardum depression were kinda blurred for me.

I used a tincture of dandilion and chicory root, which helps the liver cycle out some of the excess hormones and a B-complex. Figured what ever the cause of my blues it couldn't hurt to give myself a little physiologic boost. I also had some wonderful friends who came over cleaned, and smudged my house and opened all the doors and windows to let some badly needed sun and fresh air in.

[BandAide]

good to know, actually. I'm fearing that I'll have the same issues after the birth of this child and there's nothing worse than latching your baby on and sobbing hysterically as she nurses and you try to breathe and calm yourself down.

this happened to me E-V-E-R-Y D-A-Y F-O-R S-I-X W-E-E-K-S! It was awful.

[calico_skies]

Herbmama, I too loved being pregnant and my labor start to finish was four hours. Origianally we planned on having a home birth but some early complications scared me away from that. Hindsight I could have gone ahead with a home birth but.....well maybe next time.

BandAide I feel you with the breastfeeding. It took my son and I exactly three months to the day to get him to latch on correctly. There were many tearful days and nights. Sooo many times I wanted to give up. I think it was my own shear stubborness plus the help of an awesome lactation consultant that kept me trying. Also my husband was incredibly supportive. He woke up at all hours of the morning trying to help me relax. Well my son is now a year old today and we are still breastfeeding. I feel like it took us so long to get the hang of it I'm gonna milk it for as long as I can. (hehe)

I also have been curious as to how this pregnancy is going for you BandAide.
Are there any differences at all?

[BandAide]

EVERYTHING is different. People say it's because I'm having a boy. I don't know what I'm having. Technically, I could find out in a few weeks, but I'm going to wait this time.

I have had morning sickness, and though it was pretty bad for about three weeks, it was nothing in duration or severity as it was with my daughter. And I haven't had any in a few weeks, phew!

My weight gain is very different. By this point, I'd already gained close to twenty pounds with my daughter, and now I've gained only five (and I'm doing NOTHING differently.) I gained 73 pounds with Bunny and I puffed up everywhere. You couldn't even tell I was pregnant until I was about seven months along because I had just gotten so fat. Now, all the weight I've gained has been in my belly, which is the last place I gained it last time.

While pregnant with my daughter I cried all the time for about four months (maybe even a little bit longer.) Everything bothered me. My emotions were erratic and crazy. That hasn't happened to me once this time.

For whatever reason, I have less willpower than I used to. This little fetus gets a cup of coffee every day and my daughter didn't.

Speaking of... I gotta go... she needs me.

[Stardust002]

i have to say that, at the present time i'm only child free do to the fact that my partner does not wish to have kids at all. i come for ma large family i'm the first of 5 kids and also the first of 30 grand kids i had a hand in rasing all of them and so to love some one that does not want kids is hard. so with that i have no clue what to do! do i say ok kids or i go? or stick it out and never have kids? :(

[delta9]

For whatever reason, I have less willpower than I used to. This little fetus gets a cup of coffee every day and my daughter didn't.
:( You might as well be smoking and drinking. Get some willpower by the third trimester!

[calico_skies]

BandAide, I'm not sure it's that you are having a boy or not but I have heard that every pregnancy is different. I am glad to hear that this time around seems to be giving you an easier time. Even going so far as to say you might be enjoying it? I really hope so. I just love pregnancy and pregnant women. Theres just this beautiful, healthy, round glow about them. Its gorgeous! Are you going to do a belly cast?
I have been told from other women that breastfeeding is completely different the second time around too. So that is encouraging to those of us who may have had some trouble.

Okay I am really sorry Treehugger I did not mean to take over this thread with all this pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding talk. From now on I will just start another thread.

[calico_skies]

Wow Stardust02 that is a hard decision to make. How long have you and your partner been together? If you are not married then I would suggest taking his decision into serious consideration. Wanting or not wanting kids is major. I spent five years with a guy who did not want children, and while we were both young at the time it did end up being one of the reasons I left him. Of course when you love someone there are certain sacrifices that you have to make but I do not believe this is one of them. He may change his mind but you also don't want to end up resenting him. Have you sat down and told him honestly how you feel?

[BandAide]

:( You might as well be smoking and drinking. Get some willpower by the third trimester!

I don't know how true that is Delta! My doctor gave me the "okay" to have a cup of coffee daily (a girl struggles to find energy while chasing after a ten month old AND making a whole new person AND trying to stay alive herself.) She certainly didn't give any sort of thumbs up to smoking or drinking.

So, I'm going to say that smoking and drinking are far more damaging than consuming a small amount of caffeine in a day. As a matter of fact, as study came out while I was pregnant suggesting that pregnant women eat chocolate every day during their pregnancies. And as we all know, chocolate contains caffeine. :p

Hey Calico! I am actually enjoying this pregnancy more. I've been a little bit weary, as it was sprung on us unexpectedly, but I'm getting really excited about this new baby! Also, I'm already showing... which is crazy!

I've always wanted to be one of those very glowing pregnant women who looks more feminine than she ever has before. In reality, while pregnant with Bunny, I just look like a big, fat, sweaty lady with swollen feet and a hard time breathing. :ufo:

I remember that immediately after she was born, which followed 48 hours of labor, followed by major surgery, I said I felt better than I had in months... and I meant it!

[tooter_mcgee]

treehugger, i hope you came to the decision that was right for you, and if you havent yet, i very much hope you are able too :)

on the subject of freezing eggs or embryos, i think its a geat achievement for the medical community and im sure there are situations where its extremely helpful. the one thing that has been lingering in my mind since the subject came up is the idea of someone's child being born after that person dies. it just makes me feel very uneasy, as it doesnt seem like something nature intended. for example, if cloning were legal and you could sucessfully create a human clone, people would want to clone dead celebrities and people they loved that had passed, which i think is completely immoral as individuality is a treasure. i just hope that people dont take the process of storing eggs/embryos in that direction, such as marilyn monroe's daughter being born in 2011(though im sure she obviously didnt save her eggs).

im not saying i think storing your eggs is immoral, it clearly isnt anything like cloning. i was just wondering if this made anyone else uneasy as we all know how science can get carried in the wrong direction (cloning was purely an example).... ??


:hippie:

Diana

[tooter_mcgee]

I don't know how true that is Delta! My doctor gave me the "okay" to have a cup of coffee daily (a girl struggles to find energy while chasing after a ten month old AND making a whole new person AND trying to stay alive herself.) She certainly didn't give any sort of thumbs up to smoking or drinking.

So, I'm going to say that smoking and drinking are far more damaging than consuming a small amount of caffeine in a day. As a matter of fact, as study came out while I was pregnant suggesting that pregnant women eat chocolate every day during their pregnancies. And as we all know, chocolate contains caffeine. :p



i agree bandaide! my mother gave birth to me and my brother and sister, had a cup of coffee daily in the morning, and we were all perfectly healthy babies. you've had a child before, so im sure you know exactly what you're doing and i know someone like you wouldnt do a thing to even remotely harm her child :)

:hippie:

Diana

[delta9]

I don't know how true that is Delta! My doctor gave me the "okay" to have a cup of coffee daily (a girl struggles to find energy while chasing after a ten month old AND making a whole new person AND trying to stay alive herself.) She certainly didn't give any sort of thumbs up to smoking or drinking.

So, I'm going to say that smoking and drinking are far more damaging than consuming a small amount of caffeine in a day. As a matter of fact, as study came out while I was pregnant suggesting that pregnant women eat chocolate every day during their pregnancies. And as we all know, chocolate contains caffeine. :p
There are some 800 chemicals in coffee only a fraction of which have actually been researched. Chocolate also contains anandamide, a marijuana cannabinoid and an endocannabinoid (your body produces anandamide on its own) - I have a feeling it has a lot more to do with that than the miniscule amount of caffeine in chocolate.

All I'm saying is, there is not a lot of research; I was recently embroiled in debate because someone was asking about using marijauna while pregnant and I got flamed because I didn't instantly tell them "DON'T DO IT" but rather told them 1) using any substance is a bad idea, including caffeine, because we don't really know what it does due to lack of reasearch and 2) like your doctor gave you the head nod on caffeine, many a midwife will give you the headnod on marijauna because what little research there is shows that using small amounts of marijauna during pregnancy is likely not harmful...

So this time around I thought I would try the other way and just tell you "No don't do it".

Guess I can't win no matter what I do :(

[tooter_mcgee]

i wouldnt worry about it delta, you were just stating your opinion from the knowledge you have, as we all were. its great to share different perspectives and ideas, thats one way we can grow as people. :)

:hippie:

Diana

[delta9]

Heh, thanks. I think I'm just still butt-hurt from the other debate because of the doublestandard - since marijauna is an illegal drug it gets such a bad rep that it doesn't deserve, ya know?

[tooter_mcgee]

Heh, thanks. I think I'm just still butt-hurt from the other debate because of the doublestandard - since marijauna is an illegal drug it gets such a bad rep that it doesn't deserve, ya know?

i know what you mean, people can smoke cigarettes legally even though theyre chock full of chemicals and proven to be cancer causing. and people can drink legally even though it can lead to drunk driving accidents, domestic abuse, among other things. but yet, marijuana, a naturally occuring substance is illegal for use, even for medical use in most states. it really is pathetic.

[BandAide]

Delta, good points about resaearch and chemicals. Maybe Herbmama will be able to advise me in finding a natural boost when my tail is draggin'. I don't feel really good about drinkong it, I'm just soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired that it feels necessary.

This violent threadjacking has been brought to you by Tooter, Delta and
Bandaide.

[delta9]

A natural way will still involve some chemical or other being metabolised with danger of transference to the fetus; but indeed, perhaps she does know a safe and effective way to perk you up that is known to not transfer to the fetus :)

Whatever you do, just don't let caffeine get out of hand - stimulants are known to affect young children, and I would assume a fetus too, adversly.

This thread jacking most peacefully brought you by BA, d9, and TM.

[NeverNeverLand:)]

Get a dog or a cat maybe a fish or a bird.

And about the druggedmamas
hhmm,maybe go the easy way an write as I usually do then they just think that I´m offensive an don´t get the jokes an the caring:)

All mothers shall avoid putting drugs into them during pregnancy if they can´t they shoulden´t have kids an get a gooooood wipping.

[Herbmama]

:( You might as well be smoking and drinking. Get some willpower by the third trimester!

Whoa dude! Harsh much?


There are some 800 chemicals in coffee only a fraction of which have actually been researched. Chocolate also contains anandamide, a marijuana cannabinoid and an endocannabinoid (your body produces anandamide on its own) - I have a feeling it has a lot more to do with that than the miniscule amount of caffeine in chocolate.

All I'm saying is, there is not a lot of research; I was recently embroiled in debate because someone was asking about using marijauna while pregnant and I got flamed because I didn't instantly tell them "DON'T DO IT" but rather told them 1) using any substance is a bad idea, including caffeine, because we don't really know what it does due to lack of reasearch and 2) like your doctor gave you the head nod on caffeine, many a midwife will give you the headnod on marijauna because what little research there is shows that using small amounts of marijauna during pregnancy is likely not harmful...

So this time around I thought I would try the other way and just tell you "No don't do it".

Guess I can't win no matter what I do :(

I think we all tend to get a little carried away with what mama's should and shouldn't be doing while they're pregnant.
While it's true there hasn't been a lot of research into the various chemicals in coffee, it's also true there hasn't been a whole heck of alot of reseach into almost EVERYTHING we ingest.
When it comes right down to it we don't know a whole freaking lot. You can research and think about what your putting into your body, but you can't wrap your self in a bubble and never come out. Generally speaking a cup of coffee a day, or a toke here and there isn't going to harm the child your carrying.
HOWEVER...
Bandaid, I would really try to avoid the coffee if I were you. With a history of Pre-E it's really better to avoid anything that raises your blood pressure. You could try switching to green tea (lower caffine) and slowly diluting it with red raspberry leaf tea, until your drinking mostly the RRL.
Prenatal yoga, and aromatherapy can also help give you a little "boost".

[treehugger]

I am totally not an expert here...and I may be speaking out my @$$...but I have a very good friend who cut out all caffeine along with other drugs/alcohol...even sugar while she was pregnant.

Her doctor was absolutely amazed...he said the baby ranked as one of the most healthy, alert, apgar scale winner babies he had ever seen.. :)

I do have to say that this is simply a single case of one friend having a single baby...and that it may simply be her luck.. Or maybe not.

Kath

[BandAide]

I cut out all caffeine, nicotine, drug and alcohol use while I was pregnant with Bunny and I also breastfed her for 10 months. She got a 9 on her apgars (because c-section babies do not get squeezed they generally do not ever get a 10 becuase they have a little fluid stuck in them.) She's never been sick. She's rediculously advanced.

I don't know if it's genetics or if it's prenatal care or if it's both!

All I know is that my body is on overload right now. I am EXHAUSTED! And it is equally important for me to be an alert mother to my ten month old daughter as it is to be a responsible pregnant mother to my unborn child. I wish I were a superperson who could just have all the energy in the world... but I'm just not. So, I drink a cup of coffee to kick start me. It really helps. If anyone can suggest anything else that isn't going to effect my unborn child negatively, I'm totally open to suggestions! But as Delta said, anything is going to effect the baby.

I can't win!

[BandAide]

Thanks Herbmama!

I hadn't read your post until now! I will take those suggestions!

Peace!

[mountain_mama]

BandAide, I am a hopeless java junkie as well.
When I found out I was pregnant with my son it was nothing for me to stop smoking ciggerettes. I had a harder time not smoking pot..it eased my nausea but I did because the guilt drove me insane. I worried constantly about the health of my baby BUT even so I just had the worst time trying to curb my coffee intake. I don't know if this helps or not but I weaned myself off of coffee by mixing half decaf half reg untill pretty soon I was only drinking decaf but even without the caffenine I was still addicted to the bean so I diluted my coffee with milk untill pretty soon it was mostly milk then because I have a HUGE sweet tooth I put cream and honey in sweet decaf orange tea or apple or my favorite whole the good earth sweet and spicy tea. This seemed to work for the most part but I never felt that bad when I would slip and have a cup...I am a firm beliver in all things in moderation. I knew I was trying my best and I have my sons health to prove it. There is much worse things in life than indulging in a cup of joe every now and then or even once a day BUT this is only my opnion. I also think you have your hands super full with being pregnant and having a ten month old. My hat is off to you. I say do whatever it takes to be a good mom and maintain some sanity between now and the next few years (within reason of course). I am not an expert and I am just throwing in my two cents so I hope this ramble makes sense...I guess all I am trying to say is as a mom I understand...it's Ok not to be perfect, it's ok not to have a clean house all the time and its ok to drink coffee in moderation.

Oh, and homemade hot cocco was also a good substitute for me..


OK Just re-read my post, I apoligize if I just went off on a little rant..............

[freakyfairy]

i totally respect women who don't want to have kids and i hate it when people are really harsh towards them because of it...
but i find that i get it the other way round.! people i know are harsh towards me because having a family is my ultimate goal in life...they all want how power careers etc whereas i don't even want to go to uni...i just want to get married and have kids...is that so wrong? they say i'm old fashioned and i need to move with the times....!

[Unkle_John]

Tree hugger, You are not alone.

My wife and I do not want children. We like the act of making a child ;) but we have taken precautions so that she will not get pregnant. Her choice for not wanting one was the fact that the way her hips and spine are formed she would crush a child through natural birth. We know this b/c her mother has the same condiditon. Julie and her sister where c-section babies. I don't want children, well because I just don't. We more feel like we want to get anything and everything we want to do out of the way before we even decide to concieve.

On a lighter note. I have two nephews and three nieces, and just seeing them is a handful. I love them all, but after being with them for a few days. No thanks!

[peregrine]

treehugger, i've thought about all this as well. well, not about getting my tubes tied, but i've always thought that i didn't want children. my mom isn't a ....well...she's not a great mom. she's ok sometimes, but you know. she's always had bipolar and its hereditary and i just don't want to put my child through that. i don't think i would be a very good mom.

also, my career choice wouldn't accomidate children at all. i'm still young (starting college this fall) but i'm going to be a photojournalist (hopefully for National Geographic Magazine) and i can't see how i could possibly have a family.

i just cant even visualize the whole family thing. its beyond my comprehension, because i've never had any guy like me. never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and as cliche as it sounds, never even been kissed! i feel like i'm meant to be alone forever....ugh, depressing....ok moving on.

now, on the other hand, my best friend is 17 and pregnant. the father doesn't even know that he's a father. she's 2 months away from bringing the coolest kid ever into this world and she can't even get ahold of him to tell him (thats ok he's a loser anyway!). so, i have, to my surprise, completely filled the gap. i love this baby. i love her like she's my own! just the other day, my friend asked me to be in the delivery room with her when she gives birth....i was speechless. it brought tears to my eyes....because i wanted to be there more than anything in this world....

well, now its time for an appropriate uncle walt quote: "do i contradict myself? i am large, i contain multitudes."

[Bhaktin_Allison]

I mean no disrespect to the parents on this board who responded to Treehugger's post about not wanting children. It does bother me that many of the women here have to try to dissect why she does not want children as if a woman is incapable of making up her own mind on this issue. As for a tubal, no one should try to dissuade any woman from making that choice for her own body. If Treehugger had married right after high school and had five children before the age of 25, no one would say a thing and would congratulate her on her choice to be a mother. If anyone dared to question her on that note, most people would have been rightfully told to mind their own business.

I do have to respectfully disagree with the reasoning of "miracles" regarding others trying to persuade the lady to not be sterilized. A miracle is something that is a rarity and goes against nature. With over six billion people on the planet as well as other species being able to reproduce, having a baby is far from miraculous. My apologies if I offended anyone. I mean no disrespect towards those who chose a different path in life. I find it more than annoying when a woman is questioned if she wants a life other than motherhood. I would like to see more support for women who do choose the CF lifestyle rather than acting as if there is always an outside influence.

[LIBRA]

It does bother me that many of the women here have to try to dissect why she does not want children as if a woman is incapable of making up her own mind on this issue. As for a tubal, no one should try to dissuade any woman from making that choice for her own body.

She asked and she got our opinions and now we get yours, thats how it works!


having a baby is far from miraculous.

It is to the person having one, its not everyday you have a living, breathing growing baby inside you. To me it was absolutley a miracle and no one will take that feeling away from me, oh no offense!!! :hippie:

[redthewitch75]

Well, only after having children do I realise that I shouldn't have been a mother. Not because I am not nurturing, or don't like kids, but because of all of the scary stuff in the world that you can't protect them from. I already had anxiety/panic issues, now it is compounded to the nth power! There is nothing wrong with choosing not to have children. It is a personal choice. Adoption is a great, tho EXPENSIVE thing. My mom's friend just adopted a child from Russia, and that was about $50,000.00 give or take. They wouldn't let her adopt here, because she has had cancer twice, hence the reason she couldn't have kids naturally. And she said there are some orphanages that they won't even let you go in (in Russia) because they are so bad. And they just lock all the kids in at night. Uh, yeah, anyway. Don't let the pressures and expectations of others make you feel bad about not having kids! You know what is right for you! :)

[Dove]

I'm only 20, but i also do not want to have children. Right now i'm finishing up my sophomore year in college and plan on attending graduate school after college. I dream of traveling around the world, and i don't think i could handle a kid... I can barely handle myself! I have put great consideration into adoption, tho. I figure i'd be helping out with overpopulation and helping another human being.

There actually was an old issue of cosmo i think that had an article on how more and more women are not having children. And it actually provided you with comebacks to people who ask "why don't you have any children??" One of them was, "Because i met yours." hehehehehe

don't get me wrong, children are wonderful, i just don't think they are for me.

[treehugger]

Yep, I'm resurrecting my own OLD thread. Just wanted to update everybody. I had my tubal ligation on May 4. I'm very happy with my decision! :)

Surgery wasn't easy though, they did the whole thing through my belly button. In retrospect, I would have rather had the scars...LOL

Anyway. thanks everybody for their input!!!!

Kath

[toman]

This (http://iam.bmezine.com/?emilio+gonzalez) guy does a navel nullification procedure; comes out looking totally smooth and awesome.

[Penny_Lane]

Kath,
You are a brave and admirable woman for stepping out of the societal "norm" and following your heart.
After reading the archives of this thread, I must share briefly: I was told by two different doctors I would never have children. I accepted that. I wasn't nurturing anyway or even patient enough to have a child. Then I got pregnant. To make a long story short, I never knew the person I could be until I had our son. It made me realize that you can go on much longer even when you think you can't. It is scary to love another human being this much, the world as it is. I always thought during pregnancy that once I gave birth, that I would lose myself--my identity. Not only would I be wife, I would be mother also. I must say that "Mother" is the proudest title I've ever owned. I didn't lose my identity in the process, I discovered my true self instead.
Love & Peace to every woman. :group_hug

[UnderTheRainbow]

Honestly, I never really wanted kids - until I was engaged.
I guess, most of it being that I DON'T usually see guys "that way" (obviously, I make the rare exception" I figured I'd just never get married or anything. Though, thinking I would never get married, especially not to a male - I had planned to adopt older (10-18 yr. old) kids, because we all know how hard it is to place a kid that old in a permanent home, and after they've spent so many years in the foster system, they're so hardened and stubborn, any potential permanent parent/s are likely to give up on them. I know I could handle it, I've practically been there myself. They just need someone to show them that they'll never be given up on again. I've still thought about it, and I'd like to, if Adam agreed... but we definitely want a couple of our own.
So now, I'm just hoping for a boy and a girl, or two boys... 'cause I am NOT looking forward to raising (a) girl/s... especially not the teenage years. I know, because I AM one, haha.