Advice about an EX/alittle ranting!!

[LIBRA]

Ok I am writing for some advice if ya got any and also to vent cause I am freaking out!!! My sons father called me last weekend he see's his son every so often when its convienient for him, so he calls saying that I took everything that he's ever wanted away from him Im a whore because I actually just found someone who Ive been hanging out with and some how he knows it, we havent been together for some time so Im thinkin hes a freak, then he says he never wants to see his son again which hurts cause he is a kick ass kid so its his loss not his son's. now he calls this morning and wants to see him all weekend!!!!!! after he tells me he pretty much hates me and Im a whore and the only reason he said he didnt want to see kris was to hurt me. wtf!!!! I havent cried in forever and I am crying I hate drama so much and he is bring it on full force!! We were together for along time and he was a shitty boyfriend, into drugs and partying bad and we were supposed to get married I had my dress the whole wedding planned out, invitations were ready to be mailed and his girlfriend calls me so that was that I ended it moved in with my parents for 3 months, bought a house and here I am!! I dont ask him for money or anything I never have and I was crazy for even wanting to marry him, he left me when I got pregnant I should have KNown better!! ok I am sorry this is so long I just really needed to get it out I cant talk to any one about it because I dont want to upset them, like my friends and familly get real pissed so I try not to upset them ansd just keep it all in, whoa I think Im done, thanks to anyone who can actually read all that!!! oh p.s I just cut 14" of my hair off for locks for love and I have pms and am on a diet so ya know Im alittle emotional!!!

[orchid]

My advice to you Libra, would be to cut ties with that man. I know it's not easy to do when you have children together... But he sounds so abusive and manipulative. Does your son really need that kind of a person as a role model?

[LIBRA]

NO! but he doesnt treat him that way and kris has no idea what goes on like that he never sees or hears anything and when he asks about his dad I just tell him hes working and he miss's him too cause he really loves his dad and asks about him all the time. I know what I should do I am just to nice I dont want to hurt anyone even if Ive been hurt. its a mess!!

[nappydread]

Hi...im not a father however,
I think your son will learn the truth about his father eventually so it seems to me to be just a matter of time. With respect to the father, he is playing you...maybe to get his son back...maybe to get you back. But i would think about the future and release ties with this man rather than getting caught up in past events. Sorry, i can't be of more help. Stay Strong!!!
:)

peace

[BandAide]

Have you ever legally set anything up with your son's father? Like, does he have a visitation schedule and does he pay a certain amount of child support that is documented legally?

My thought is this: Your son deserves to have a dad. This guy IS his dad. He might be a horrible boyfriend/ friend/ person... idunno... but he is STILL your son's father. Unless he's abusing your son (and it sounds as though he is not. You seem to be the lucky recipient of all his manipulation and abuse) than he's got a right to be in his son's life.

But that doesn't mean he needs to be in your life.

It doesn't mean that you should, or have to take personal telephone calls from him.

It doesn't mean that you EVER need to get close enough to him when dropping off or picking up your son to have to speak to him.

I'm not certain if you can be provided with this for free, but I suspect that there is legal representation out there for single moms. Get some legal help and tell your ex that unless there is an immediate issue pertaining to the visitation or well being or your son that he is not to call you. Tell him that you have no room in your life for him on a personal level and that if he has some sort of problem with that than he can complain about you all over town, but not to bother your day with it. Tell him that you don't care. Tell him that you have no feelings left for him and that you are glad to share the parenting responsibilities with him and THAT IS ALL. Tell him that if it makes him feel better to think that you're a whore, than by all means, think you're a whore. You do not value his opinion of you and he has no power in your world. When he says he's trying to hurt you, tell him that he can try all he wants, but because you do not value him at all, he is unable to hurt you and that his attempts are little more than nuissances and immature practical jokes.

Tell him all of this and MEAN IT!

[tooter_mcgee]

setting up formal visitation with your son's father is a great idea. that way, he wont be able to use those visits to hurt you or manipulate you.

he reminds me of an ex i had that i broke up with about a year ago. he beat me up, gave me a black eye and made a point of pounding me in the back when he would hit me because he knew about my bad back. those kind of guys are just the greatest huh? i've always wanted to feel used and abused.... yeah right. anyway, severing all ties with him was the best thing i ever did.

i hope you're able to find a way to protect yourself against his insults, and his manipulation, especially since hes using your child as a tool for doing so.

best of luck to you and lots of love :)

:hippie:

Diana

[Pedata]

What BandAide said- Yes, I totally agree. LIbra, yes you are too nice :) Men like your ex pick nice people because it's an easy battle for them. At least easier than someone who could care less. That man is a coward who takes cheap shots. Underneath it all he's a little scaredy boy. He sounds like my ex-husband who knew just what words would really hurt my feelings. It was a way to knock me off balance, mentally, so he could stay in control of things.

It can be very hard to stand up to people when you're used to being too nice. but here is a trick (and yes, you need tricks sometimes) that can knock some of thier effect away from you.

Ok, I learned this during a drama course: It was for overcoming stage fright.

Pretend, while you are in contact with him, that his underwear are on backwards. This puts a bit of humor in your mind and it can take away that fear, or helplessness, or whatever icky state of mind they have you in, or are trying to get you into.
If the underwear doesn't do it for you, then think up something that would. Plan and remember it. It could be anything. He could be wearing ladies thongs backwards. Or granny bloomers. He could be wearing a menstrual pad. He could have a corncob up his butt (excuse me for being graphic). Just anything that you could now about but no one can see. I hope that makes sense.

I bet tho, if you do this, he will ask something like "well, i see you've got some kind of attitude!" or something to change the subject back to you, to throw you off balance. Remember, tho, you don't have to answer any questions. Saying Hmmm and Welllll........are fine answers.

But the first time he calls you a name you hang up! Tell him you're not talking if he's going to call you names. Then hang up. Men like that have to be treated like little kids sometimes. I thing that's what they're really are sometimes.

Ok, I have gone on enough. Guys like that just make me so mad tho. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:mad:

Still going Grrrrr,
Cassandra

[LIBRA]

Well I have called lawyers and if I get an appointed one (free) and he hires one he will win and thats what they told me, and he also said to try it with out involving the courts, its time consuming and expensive once you do.

I tried to set thinks up with him like saturdays or a day of the week it never works he thinks he can see him when its convienient I oblige because its my sons father and I want him to have that and he loves it and he is not a bad father either.
I told him I just want things to be civil and that I dont need his shit but it doesnt matter he just resents me still. he doesnt know it bothers me though.

I pretty much have told him what bandaide said he is just still so hung up on the fact that I dont love him or something. I am going to tell him either we set up a perminant plan or none at all and thats that and I am sticking to it no calling and saying I cant how about tomorrow or next week and I know for my sons sake he needs that stability if not now he will whens hes abit older !!

And I dont get any child support from him I dont ask for it either it would be one more thing he can hang over me, thats how I feel anyway.

Pedeta he is a scardy boy you got that right!!

I try so hard to balance all situations and it never works but I still keep at it I cant make every one happy and I am almost sick of trying! as long as my son is happy thats really all I care about I can deal with whatever is thrown at me as always do I am just emotional today, ya know what really piss's me off is that I almost feel sorry for him like I shouldnt have left him but I know thats just me being nice or stupid!!
just one of those days I guess thanks for the support!!!!
:smilie_wa LIBRA=scales go figure!!
thanks again guys, sorry for the drama of the day!!

[kermit]

I hate to say this. But he probably just wants to get laid' but he knows you wont give it up, That is why he treats you like shit; and what a better way to hurt someone than with a kid. Sad but true.
Please don't think I am being mean but knowledge is power. And a woman’s **** is the most powerful thing on the planet.

I have a friend with the same problem she just wants him out of her life, yet she got him arrested, and called the lawyer everyday after saying that.

???

My dad always said everyone has to have a hobby.

and she still deals with him today, Because she lets him. Once he gets laid' he cool for a week or two, but back to normal soon.

Now he get none... humm go figure now he's a stalker. Maybe all divorced men with children should get young girlfriends to help them get over the last good thing they had...


Sorry got stoned and started thinking while typing my bad.. :cheers:

[LIBRA]

OH YA DONT KNOW WHAT YA GOT TILL ITS GONE!!!
but no its not sex he's got a girlfriend who has a girlfriend who moved in the day he threw all my shit in our front yard cause I had a male freind there helping me move out and he came home early and saw a man oh no!!
so its definitly not cause he wants to get laid Im sure he wouldnt say no but I sure as hell would yuck, he is revolting to me as far as that goes!!
thanks for the opinion though!!!

[waking_dreams]

he reminds me of an ex i had that i broke up with about a year ago. he beat me up, gave me a black eye and made a point of pounding me in the back when he would hit me because he knew about my bad back.


did this stick out to anyone else as being especially disturbing? a guy pounding a girl on the back because he knows she has back trouble? a horrible demonstration on how manipulative, more like violent some men can be... im so sorry, not all of us are bad guys tho ;)

libra...i agree with everything bandaide said, she hit the nail right on the head in my opinion. i really hope everything works out for you and your sweet child!

[kermit]

OH YA DONT KNOW WHAT YA GOT TILL ITS GONE!!!
but no its not sex he's got a girlfriend who has a girlfriend who moved in the day he threw all my shit in our front yard cause I had a male freind there helping me move out and he came home early and saw a man oh no!!
so its definitly not cause he wants to get laid Im sure he wouldnt say no but I sure as hell would yuck, he is revolting to me as far as that goes!!
thanks for the opinion though!!!
what a jerk! I mean your ex that is. Either way I wish you the best, remember kids see and hear everything. :group_hug

[tooter_mcgee]

did this stick out to anyone else as being especially disturbing? a guy pounding a girl on the back because he knows she has back trouble? a horrible demonstration on how manipulative, more like violent some men can be... im so sorry, not all of us are bad guys tho ;)


it was a bad time for me, but i never intended to draw any attention away from libra's problem. i was merely trying to empathize with her on her exeriences with being manipulated by a man. and not to worry, i know not all guys are bad :)

:hippie:

Diana

[treehugger]

Libra,

My heart goes out to you. It is very sad to be entangled with personalities like that. I know, from personal experience, myself.

Eventually, your son will come to see what a jerk his father is.

I would try to find some GOOD male influences for your boy.

As for the names your ex is calling you...you cannot control what HE does but you CAN control your response to it. Hard, I know. It is easy to slip into old insecurities.

You are a strong, vibrant woman and you do NOT deserve this treatment. I wish I had better advice for you but as usual I am coming into this conversation late and all the best things I can think of, have already been told by others.

Namaste.

[LIBRA]

thanks guys for all the support, felt great!!! I had to see him this weekend and I found my back bone and told him how its gonna be and he didnt say a word so I think he is letting it sink in!! I just wanted to say thanks !!
and I sounded like a stupid girl in my post which I am not at all I am just nice I hate to see anyone hurting even if they have crushed me I just hate it but I figure if I dont tell him he'll just keep hurting so I had to get it over with and be kinda mean, hopefully it works!!!!
also had pms, cut all my hair off and am on a diet so it was a bad day all around!!!!!! :bawl:
but now its :cheers:

[Sunnydaydreams]

thats why we're here honey! :group_hug

peace & love

[kermit]

thats why we're here honey! :group_hug

peace & love


I wish people loved me like that.. :bawl:

[freakyfairy]

did this stick out to anyone else as being especially disturbing? a guy pounding a girl on the back because he knows she has back trouble? a horrible demonstration on how manipulative, more like violent some men can be... im so sorry, not all of us are bad guys tho ;)

libra...i agree with everything bandaide said, she hit the nail right on the head in my opinion. i really hope everything works out for you and your sweet child!
my ex boyfriend would pretend to strangle me because he knew i have a real bad phobia of being strangled due to past experiences..... whenever we got in a fight he would realise that i was almost as physically strong as him and could beat him, so he would put his hand round my throat which would bring on panic so i couldn't fight back....so harsh.... :mad:

[kermit]

and where r we today.........


still with the same person????

[delta9]

Damn, FreakyFairy! You're not still with that asshole, are ya?