Being "Single"

[Natural Mystic]

Hey everybody :) :ufo:

I was just thinking, "wow" I've been single for a long long time now (aint sayin). And although it would be delightful to not be so monk-like, I also think there are some reall good parts to having a long long lonely time to one's self. I was wondering what y'all think of being without another, an other, or a lover. :p

Hey, it's February in New England and I'm still hitch-hiking so I guess I got a reason...

Peace friends! :bandit:

(Give a brother a lift too)

[BandAide]

Being single was great!

I was one of those people who always had a boyfriend. I became that way when I was about 16 and stayed that way until I was about 24. I don't think I had an issue with being alone as much as I had an issue with dating. I really hating dating. So, rather than viewing a date as a singular experience, I tended to turn them into relationships that lasted anywhere from 1 to 4 years.

And then I broke free of a very dramatic and co-dependent and harmful relationship right about the time I graduated from college. It was the kind of thing you've gotta leave the country to get over. So, I left the country and I traveled and stayed single for about a year before meeting my husband.

I took that year to recover myself from this place I slunk off to sadly. I didn't date. I didn't think about dating. I didn't interpret any kind of encounter with the opposite sex to be anything other than what it was... and I didn't stick around one place long enough to fall in love.

I just figured myself out.

And then, suddenly, I met this amazing man who I married.

But being single was great!

[mountain_mama]

I never really knew what single was until I hit my early twenties then when I discovered it, I loved being single, I mean just LOOOOOVVVVED it!

I always had boyfriends, I used to love to date...then I was 15 when I met my ex-husband and he just knocked my socks off, I thought he hung the moon ;) by the time I was 16 I was married and pregnant and divorced by 20. Playing house was rough....but I let loose in my early twenties probably to make up for lost time then decided the whole dating realationship scene was bullshit and didn't really know who I was by myself. I got serious about everything in that time period, school, work, exercise (with the exception of motherhood because I always took that very seriously)...I became a die hard bacholerette. I even dated myself for awhile, where I would get dressed up hire a babysitter take myself out to dinner and a movie..It wasn't for the lack of offers that I stayed single it was just that I felt like I had been there done that in the game of realationships and there just wasn't anybody out there that appealed to me enough to make me loose some of my hard earned independance. I was financially stable, on my way to completing my degree, I had my daughter and I did not have to answer to anybody. Sometimes I was lonley but it was an important time of self discovery....then one day I met my husband and I just knew that I would not have to give up my independance to be with him....that he was the type of guy who would value and respect my space. So even though I just LOOOOOVVVED being single I am happy to keep evolving through my life stages and I can't imagine a better partner to share my journey with. :)

[tooter_mcgee]

i wasnt single for the longest time, until i broke up with the abusive ass i had been with. i had had a boyfriend(s) from the time i was 14 (8th grade) straight until i broke up with the abusive one...it definitely felt weird being single at first because i always had to think about someone else and if he approved or not before i did anything. that sort of freedom was hard for me to get used to at first.

:hippie:

Diana

[Sunnydaydreams]

im the opposite, ive been single until 4 months ago. i had a relationship w/ this guy that i just knew from the beginning wouldnt work out b/c he got infatuated w/ me. my bf told me he loved me the 2nd day we were together! i moved in too early b/c of problems w/ a friend i was staying w. it was hard for me b/c although i didnt feel the same way about him i did care a lot about him & wanted to make it work b/c he was/is a really nice guy. it didnt work out, we were just complete opposites; he drank too much, i smoked a lot, i had friends over, he didnt, etc. he would work & i would be alone all day w/ nothing to do, no car so no job & that got depressing quick. plus hes depressed & became controlling. he would get mad when male friends were there when he got home but they were just chilling, watching tv nothing bad EVER happened. it got to the point where we were fighting all the time. so i broke up & moved out but i found we couldnt stay friends & he kept threatening to kill himself & i was a wreck, mentally, emotionally, & physically. i lost about 10 lbs (i only weighed 105), started freaking out, & ended up in jail.
going to jail was the best thing that happened to me during that time. everythings gotten better since then. i have a car, gained 15 lbs, learned im bipolar(i was having manic episodes at the time) , & kicked the negative people out. sorry this is so long, but im not in any hurry to end my single-ness. it will take a special person to understand how i am so i am waiting patiently instead of jumping in the next relationship.

peace & love

[pinkhighlighter]

Don't mind bein single, it's nice to have time for myself from time to time.

[freakyfairy]

i'm single now....it's lots of fun. being able to go to parties and flirt and meet new people without having to worry that your boyfriend is gonna get jealous everytime you say hi to a guy is great.... wow that was a long sentence.... :nature-sm

[nappydread]

i've been single for about 8 months now...and I'm with Cowboy on this one...Its really great to have someone, but when that dissolves your kinda forced towards independence. This is good b/c you learn more about yourself. And you can never learn too much about yourself:D
One other thing i like is that when your 'lookin' for love....you never find it!
I guess thats like most things that are lost or misplaced:)
...though they usually get found eventually...yay!

peace

[delta9]

One other thing i like is that when your 'lookin' for love....you never find it!
And when you aren't looking for love, it can sneak up on you all of a sudden from the most unexpected angles and places!

[peach_blossom]

And when you aren't looking for love, it can sneak up on you all of a sudden from the most unexpected angles and places!

I agree. But that could also be affected on how a person defines love, and how deep a person's love can be. Because seriously, there are a lot of assholes out there with no regard of other people's feelings.

[delta9]

I fail to see what assholes with no regard to other people's feelings have to do with it... I'm talking about how, often, when one looks for something, be it love or lucy, it can often be evasive and seemingly nowhere to be found, but when one stops searching, the thing you were searching for may inexplicably fall right into your lap.

[nappydread]

I fail to see what assholes with no regard to other people's feelings have to do with it... I'm talking about how, often, when one looks for something, be it love or lucy, it can often be evasive and seemingly nowhere to be found, but when one stops searching, the thing you were searching for may inexplicably fall right into your lap.

yes i totally agree delta!
...and I think you actually appreciate this much more b/c it took you by surprise in the first place and as far as you're concerned you would never have found it otherwise......so ya!
:D
peace

[peach_blossom]

I fail to see what assholes with no regard to other people's feelings have to do with it... I'm talking about how, often, when one looks for something, be it love or lucy, it can often be evasive and seemingly nowhere to be found, but when one stops searching, the thing you were searching for may inexplicably fall right into your lap.

Im also talking about when that love comes, one must also be on guard to some degree because there are a lot of people who could take advantage, like those assholes who have no regard for other people's feelings or people who love "shallow". Because that person could very well be hurt and be broken for life or worse.

[LIBRA]

thats life though there are all kinds of people out there and if you dont let that guard down how will you know??
I have been seeing someone that I would have thought pigs would fly before I would date him and he is absolutly wonderfull and positive and helps me out with anything going on and is completely understanding of everything, real great guy but I wasnt looking or expecting it, so ya never know till you let break down the wall!!!
as far as being single or in a relationship I go with the flow whatever happens happens and I dont have a preference really, I do enjoy others company though wether its like that or not, all in all just depends on whats going on then and there!!

[peach_blossom]

I was just saying if you're going to let your guard down, let it down slowly. Make that very slowly. The relationships I've had and the relationships I have witnessed make me think so.

:hippie:

[delta9]

Im also talking about when that love comes, one must also be on guard to some degree because there are a lot of people who could take advantage, like those assholes who have no regard for other people's feelings or people who love "shallow". Because that person could very well be hurt and be broken for life or worse.
Who is this other person?

[peach_blossom]

Who is this other person?

Why delta, is your memory failing you?

[delta9]

Why don't you just say what you mean?

[peach_blossom]

Why don't you just say what you mean?

Okay.
Why don't you just drop dead and die?
You may have moved on so quick, you my have forgotten everything so quick but we haven't, and everyday I miss my cousin more.

[theREALsun]

not sure what all is going on above this.....
but.....

i enjoy where i am at
i have no serious relationship right now
nor am i looking for one
but i don't close any doors
if something is thrown my way,
well, you just have to take life how it comes.

i enjoy my time right now to concentrate on school and friends
and independance.......

:D

[RockyJay]

Peach, delta stop it. There's a time and another place for this.

Right now I am slowly learning to enjoy being single. It's not too shabby. :)

[delta9]

Okay.
Why don't you just drop dead and die?
Why don't you just leave?

Seriously, I think you have a problem. You should perhaps take a break, and try to move on. If you're just going to turn everything here around on me, you have no place here.

So you are implying I am an asshole who has no regard for other people's feelings and that I love "shallow", as you so eloquently put it? You are very mistaken, and pass judgement far too quickly, about things you do not know. I'll refrain from sinking to your level, and not call you any names - but you are operating with no regard for other people's feelings, and I am not just talking about myself - how dare you disingenuously turn tooter's heartbreak into yet another chance to take a pot shot at me... It's scattered all over the place, vieled behind vagueness and your mind's own ability to make correletions between things (the human mind is very good at this, you know).

But I don't wish any harm or ill will towards you; I wish you all the best and hope that you can come to grips with these feelings and pain that you have, deal with them, and move on.

I find it interesting you wish I were to drop dead and die, yet without my input and help, pinkhighlighter might be going to into something heavy a little less prepared... If she is as hung up on this as you are, I suggest she not dose any psychedelics in the near future, as they will only build upon it and may lead to panic, bad trip, et al.

[delta9]

Peach, delta stop it. There's a time and another place for this.
I fully agree, but you are just as guilty as she is in the vieled pot-shots department. They don't have a place here. Stop it, please.

[peach_blossom]

How dare you take a shot like that on my friends! They are here because they like this community and I am here because I think the same! James had been keeping me from doing what Gomzy did even if I think you desrve it! Only he and Lei are the only ones who defend you here! I didn't know YOU were here until I liked this community very much!

Fine. I'm sorry my feelings ran away from me. I'm sorry I feel so much pain after 2 of my closest cousins died. I am sorry for seeing my cousin die because of the pain you caused her. I am sorry for even liking you before when my cousin talked about you a lot. I am sorry I had the notions that maybe the two of you really loved each other. I am sorry for even thinking that you are a very good man because you loved my cousin even if she lost her hair and even if sometimes she can't remember anything!

And I am sorry that I didn't believe at first the news that you left my cousin for someone else when she was dying and trying to live for you so you can be together. And I am sorry that the girl who happened to fall right into your lap has the audacity to think that nothing even the life of my cousin could go between the two of you!

[delta9]

I'm sorry you are bringing drama that no one cares about but us three here... Way to kill a thread!

I did not take a shot like anything at your friend. I took a shot at you, finding it interesting that I am helping your friend while you are hating me.

It's natural to want to blame something tangible for her death, and I am the natural target, but I am by no means the cause, and as you illustrated, if anything, I extended her life. No need to be sorry about having any notions about our feelings for each other - they were true. No need to be sorry for thinking me a good man for having good qualities such as you illustrated, either - they are still here.

I'm sorry that you had the audicity to think that people here want to see this... You know we all have each other's IMs, you could have easily called me names and wished death upon me in private.

Take a break, seriously. It will be good for you.

[LIBRA]

Not to get in anyones buisness but ya kinda brought it on, but did you come here just to harass Delta??? sorry about your friend/cousin but keep your death threats to yourself "happyhippies" have no room for such harsh words here.
delta you are a big person with good words for people who feel so strongly to hurt you as they feel you supposidly hurt them, good luck to ya and sorry to add but I had too.

[nappydread]

I'm sorry that you had the audicity to think that people here want to see this...
..ya it reminds me of a bad tv rerun...sorry!

And ya...i couldn't care less...this was news for the headlines like 6 weeks ago...when rummy was still lookin for WMD's!!!

take a break...

peace

[peach_blossom]

Ya be the sparkling good guy you've always been in the exterior. Unlike you I don't move on just a few weeks after people I love dies.

[delta9]

You keep playing with time and shifting events... Make up your mind, did I move on after she died or did I move on after she told me to? You will always have your side and I will always have mine. I have agreed to disagree. You apparently refuse.

You don't know me, or anything really about me.

This doesn't belong here.

...

It is best to rarely assume and never pass hasty judgements.

These are hippie values.

[Herbmama]

Hey everybody :) :ufo:

I was just thinking, "wow" I've been single for a long long time now (aint sayin). And although it would be delightful to not be so monk-like, I also think there are some reall good parts to having a long long lonely time to one's self. I was wondering what y'all think of being without another, an other, or a lover. :p

Hey, it's February in New England and I'm still hitch-hiking so I guess I got a reason...

Peace friends! :bandit:

(Give a brother a lift too)

This summer will mark 5 years of "singleness" for me.
Yep you read that right, years.
I consider it a "lifestyle choice" if you'll forgive the term. After I had my son I really just felt like I had seen the enough of the "dating/sex/lover" movie. I have important work I need to be doing in my life and myself, and I came to realize my less platonic relationships tended to just distract me and divert me from where and who I wanted to be, so I quit.
Now days I'm in a relationship with myself and my spirit.
5 years along and I'm still digging it, Not to say that it isn't hard at times and I haven't turned away from something that might of been beautiful here and there...but I keep asking myself what I truely want, and when it comes right down to it, this is it.

[freakyfairy]

Ya be the sparkling good guy you've always been in the exterior. Unlike you I don't move on just a few weeks after people I love dies.
people have different ways of coping with losses.... some people dwell and some people find that the only way to stop them elves going crazy is to carry on with life as normal....have a little respect...

[freakyfairy]

by the way, sorry to drag that up again.... :)

[mrNatural]

This summer will mark 5 years of "singleness" for me.
Yep you read that right, years.
I consider it a "lifestyle choice" if you'll forgive the term. After I had my son I really just felt like I had seen the enough of the "dating/sex/lover" movie. I have important work I need to be doing in my life and myself, and I came to realize my less platonic relationships tended to just distract me and divert me from where and who I wanted to be, so I quit.
Now days I'm in a relationship with myself and my spirit.
5 years along and I'm still digging it, Not to say that it isn't hard at times and I haven't turned away from something that might of been beautiful here and there...but I keep asking myself what I truely want, and when it comes right down to it, this is it.

i can definatly relate to you lifestyle. i've been on my own since about the middle of 2000. that's when someone who i thought cared about me, decided screwing someone else behind my back would be fun. i was totally lost for about a year, (kind of like all my nerves were on the outside of my skin) and felt shitty for almost another. if i didn't have 2 awesome daughters, i'd have probably blown my brains out.

between the time i finally got my shit toghther and now i found out a lot of things about myself. including i'm a pretty mellow guy to hang out with, so that's what i did. there have been lots of lonely times too. but i always got through 'em by comparing the pain of loneliness to that of being fucked over. being lonely wasn't near as bad.

but since i'm a believer that "nothing lasts" it may be time for changes again. a few weeks ago i met someone who has potential. now all i have to do is keep myself from freaking out and blowing it as a defensive manuver (sp).

basically the point is: once i knew i could make it on my own, it's gonna take someone special, not just someone.

[BandAide]

This summer will mark 5 years of "singleness" for me.
Yep you read that right, years.
I consider it a "lifestyle choice" if you'll forgive the term. After I had my son I really just felt like I had seen the enough of the "dating/sex/lover" movie. I have important work I need to be doing in my life and myself, and I came to realize my less platonic relationships tended to just distract me and divert me from where and who I wanted to be, so I quit.
Now days I'm in a relationship with myself and my spirit.
5 years along and I'm still digging it, Not to say that it isn't hard at times and I haven't turned away from something that might of been beautiful here and there...but I keep asking myself what I truely want, and when it comes right down to it, this is it.


Hmmmmmm... you've got me really thinking about this Herbmama.

I can see where you're coming from. Taking care of my daughter and trying to go to school and persue my writing dreams and cleaning my house and making dinner are really, really tiring. (as I write that, my daughter is laughing hysterically as she tries to bite my toes, I wiggle them and she acts surprised and drops to her butt on the floor... over and over and over...)

Most days, by the end of the day, I just want to be left alone. I want to go to sleep and I do not want to be kissed and hugged and cuddled with. Don't misunderstand me, I LOOOOOOVVVVVVE my husband. He's my favorite guy, but I am really THAT tired.

So, the thought of starting a NEW relationship... seems UNTHINKABLE. I mean, it sounds unbearable, even.

Plus, I do A LOT, so I don't want to knock my position as a hard working mom, but as a single mom you do more (twice as much) and must be twice as tired.

If I weren't married, I'd wouldn't feel any void in being single. I just wouldn't have time! I don't know if that's good or bad or neither... but I wouldn't.

[Herbmama]

So, the thought of starting a NEW relationship... seems UNTHINKABLE. I mean, it sounds unbearable, even.

Plus, I do A LOT, so I don't want to knock my position as a hard working mom, but as a single mom you do more (twice as much) and must be twice as tired.

If I weren't married, I'd wouldn't feel any void in being single. I just wouldn't have time! I don't know if that's good or bad or neither... but I wouldn't.

It's true starting a relationship of any value takes so much work and energy, and I straight up don't have the energy to give to someone other than myself or my cub...unthinkable, unbearable sums it up pretty well!

My comittment is to my son and the life I'm trying to build for us, which is a HUGE comittment...the comittment of a relationship is something I just don't need in my life right now.


basically the point is: once i knew i could make it on my own, it's gonna take someone special, not just someone.

Now this is also true...
I don't imagine I'll be single for the rest of my days, but at this point it would really take someone beyond amazing to pull me back into the couples reality.

[Herbmama]

i can definatly relate to you lifestyle. i've been on my own since about the middle of 2000. that's when someone who i thought cared about me, decided screwing someone else behind my back would be fun. i was totally lost for about a year, (kind of like all my nerves were on the outside of my skin) and felt shitty for almost another. if i didn't have 2 awesome daughters, i'd have probably blown my brains out.

between the time i finally got my shit toghther and now i found out a lot of things about myself. including i'm a pretty mellow guy to hang out with, so that's what i did. there have been lots of lonely times too. but i always got through 'em by comparing the pain of loneliness to that of being fucked over. being lonely wasn't near as bad.

but since i'm a believer that "nothing lasts" it may be time for changes again. a few weeks ago i met someone who has potential. now all i have to do is keep myself from freaking out and blowing it as a defensive manuver (sp).

basically the point is: once i knew i could make it on my own, it's gonna take someone special, not just someone.

mr Natural, Best of luck to you! Aside from overcoming the pain of the past I imagine at this point transitioning out of singleness has it's own challenges!

I most sincerly am sending you wishes of strength, healing, love, and blessings!

[Natural Mystic]

Going on five and a half years for me. I've spent so much time alone that I'm starting to feel that a perceptive gentle companion would really help me understand myself and to help me become a better humanoid. Of course, I don't wish to rush or even "seek out" such an individual. Until then, it's weed, whites, and wine ;)

[Dead Fan]

I have been single for all but two months out of my life. I had one girlfriend and she was great for a while but she turned into a real psycho after i didnt call her one night. Since then i have been rejected on a constant basis. One particular girl i asked said she didn't want to gog out with anybody "right now" four days later she was going out with my best friend. A week later they broke up. She then went out with five or six other pretty boys who turned out to be real assholes. Now shes always complaining about how they never listened to her and i listen to her complain all the time. Maybe someday she'll see the error of her shallowness.